i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
