if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
