he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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