So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
