I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
