Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
