Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
