wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
