Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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