I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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