How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
