He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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