just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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