I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
