I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
