My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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