Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
