I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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