He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
