The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
