imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
