so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
