guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
