My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
