Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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