Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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