This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
