When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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