I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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