there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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