You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize