We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize