Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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