Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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