Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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