Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
