Tell her she can't have a vagina
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
