dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
