And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
