ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
