i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
