You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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