I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
