i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize