We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
