i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
