3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
