You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
