I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
