just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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