If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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