it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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