i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
