god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
