Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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