I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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