Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
