He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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