I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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