I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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