You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
