I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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