dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
