I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Small penises have feelings too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
