I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You did what with his pubic hair?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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