is your mom at the bar?
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
