I think I am morally bankrupt
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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