Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
