We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
