I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
third nipple confirmed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
